Zombieland

The Really Late Review of Zombieland

The best zombie survival guide on film or so I think. Zombieland is about four hapless survivors of a zombie apocalypse. We follow the stories of how our "heroes" meet, complete with back stories. To be honest, this film is probably the most life like zombie movie there is just because there is as much humor as there is drama and action. Though the surprise cameo is a bit of a stretch. So let's break this movie down just a bit. On acting Jesse Eisenberg brings his B game which is kind of like a lot of actors' A game. Woody Harrelson basically plays the same character he always plays. Finally Emma Stone is raised to a bit higher level of acting by Abigail Breslin who is fucking awesome. The story may seem a bit hard to swallow at first but as you realize that the rules of engagement are based in fact and the motives of the characters are based purely on the shock and mental trams each character has gone through to survive the end of the world as we know it. Though there are questions that are not answered (why does Tallahassee put 3s on each car he has? Who is the 6th person who has survived as according to Tallahassee?) all in all the movie does have a bunch of flaws which can distract the vigilant cinephile but it is still a good movie with good special effects and a great soundtrack. I give the movie 3.5 Twinkies out of 5.  

Guardians of The Galaxy

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The Amazing Spider-Man 2

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The Avengers

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Blade Runner Final Cut

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The Really Late Review of Blade Runner: Final Cut

   The classic cyberpunk movie, Blade Runner, is probably one of the best known science fiction movies of all time. Starring Harrison Ford, who at the time was the probably the most typecast actor of all time, in a depressing 80s view of the future. The acting in this movie is overshadowed by the stunning visuals and noir tone. Harrison gives a performance little seen from the A lister. Though the story isn't generic noir fodder, the sub plots of the movie should be the main focus. There are so many elements that lead in many different directions it's very hard to focus on just which character the movie is about. This movie is visually stunning if you look beyond the 80s computers that apparently could do anything. Sarcasm aside I give Blade Runner Final Cut 3.5 skin bags out of 5.

Blow

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The Really Late Review of Blow

   I'm not sure why this movie get shat on by all manner of critics. Based the true ravings of a lunatic mind but still based in some fact, Blow is the story of George Jung who was one of the biggest drug pushers in the US. It's really a story of a man who made as much money as he made mistakes. Now this film is definitely not the best or even an Oscar contender but it's also not a bad movie in the slightest. Ray Liotta and Johnny Depp are perfect in their roles with surprisingly good performances by Paul Rubens and Penelope Cruz. Now where the movie is not great is the pacing of the story. It speeds up and slows down like if the film itself was snorting coke. It's like when the film starts to slow down it hits another line and boom back into action. I feel like that is kind of what the film makers were going for but it just feels off. The cinematography gets a bit choppy too though the sets are very well done. All in all the movie is especially good acting wise and really brings you into the story even if it's pacing is off. I give Blow 3.5 white lines out of 5

Alter Egos

The Really Late Review of Alter Egos

What can you do with a couple of superhero costumes, some friends, and access to a Hamtonsesque motel situation? You obviously make a little movie. Now other than pure ingenuity in the way they keep the movie pretty central to one location, the movie is pretty predictable and poorly acted. The characters are very 2 dimensional and extremely unlikable. But as I said it shows that they made this movie fast and cheap. I wouldn't be surprised if the budget was only ten grand. I give alter egos, 2 refrigerators out of 5.

-Ted